1,2,3 o'clock, 4 o'clock thoughts

The first good thing a Norwich City player did all year

1. Situational soccer
The third game of the group stage is about the situation as much as, if not more than, the opponent. This is why no one really game plans all that much in advance for the third game. Your tactics are entirely determined by the result you have to achieve – which will be determined by the first two games – and then there are issues with injuries and suspensions and the like you have to deal with. The Dutch pretty much demonstrated how it's done today. They needed a draw to win Group B, and Van Persie was suspended, so the Dutch backed it up, stalked the midfield and tried to slow the pace way down. Chile had the ball for huge amounts of time but never could find any sort of a functional offensive rhythm. They are an aggressive and imaginative side, yet they're at sixes and sevens when they cannot get out and run. In a slow game, the Dutch were a terrible matchup for the Chileans, since they are the shortest team in the tourney (Dutch score on a header on a set piece), and their back line is held together with duct tape and string (Dutch score on Robben counterattack).

2. This couldn't really happen, could it?
By winning Group B, the bracket opens up remarkably nicely for Oranje, playing Mexico in the 16s with the winner getting a somewhat underwhelming C/D pairing in the 8s. Could it be that the fate decreed by the football gods will end up coming to fruition? Brazil gets Chile in the 16s and, well, they haven't lost a meaningful game at home since 1975, so good luck with that, Chileans.

3. El Tri:1
Not that Mexico is going to go quietly in the 16s. My concerns about El Tri going into this game today stemmed from a) an anemic offense; and b) trying to contain Mandzukic, who is a bear. Well, a) the Mexicans have suddenly become quite adept on the set pieces; and b) Mandzukic wasn't a factor because the Croatians seemed to hardly ever have the ball in a useful position. I like the way the Mexicans are defending with pressure, trying to keep possession and playing to their strengths. Herrera has brought some discipline to the attack and his move to bring back Marquez to keep order, which I wondered about at the time, has paid off nicely. I appreciated the positivity from El Tri in a game that seemed, at times, to be verging on going very negative in tone. Once they had the pace to their liking, and realized the Croatians couldn't keep up, they went from playing for a draw to playing for a win to playing for a big enough spread to win the group! Oh, yes, and Graham Zusi says "you're welcome" once again.

4. One Last Go
It was strange watching the Spaniards take one last victory lap today. They were quite melancholy during their 3:0 thumping of Australia. All of the guys who scored v. the 'roos – Villa, Torres, Mata – knew that it was almost certainly the last time wearing that jersey, of course. This generation of Spaniards have always been classy, savvy and smart on the pitch and a joy to watch. They were so damn good that I guess I always thought it would come to end for them in some epic sort of clash where they were finally vanquished, rather than in this strange sort of slow-motion spectacle.

And now a moment of noise for ...
Every time I see Croatia play, I see guys who are great on the ball, guys who make very fancy sideways passes, and guys who seem to have a remarkably large chip on their shoulder for no apparent reason. (They also seem to keep having crowd problems and stuff like this, which isn't going to win you many friends.) There is always this element of nastiness seemingly simmering just beneath the surface of their games. When the red card came out late today, it was about the least surprising development imaginable. Individual talent certainly didn't mesh into coherent football v. Mexico, and other than Perisic, who scored the late goal and nearly got a second, they capitulated after El Tri got the lead. That third goal they allowed was ridiculous. I watched two of their qualification matches, one where they got manhandled by the Belgians and a 0:0 draw v. 10-man Iceland, and it just seemed like they should be a better team than that. Well, apparently not.

Special appearance by The Good Guys:

You cannot stop the Cougar flag. You can stop the football team from time to time, and usually you can stop the basketball team simply by letting them miss an open shot, but you cannot stop the flag.

Now With Even More Thoughts

Mr. Jones

1. Big picture
The U.S. needs a result v. Germany, but they aren't desperate and they don't need a miracle. Most of the scenarios which could play out favour them to advance, in fact. A draw will work. A Portugal-Ghana draw will work. A Portugal win over Ghana will probably work. A U.S. win will ... wait, the U.S. won't beat Germany, will they? Well, why the hell not? Is it a tall order to get a result from a game with Germany? Sure it is, but this tourney gets hard at some point for everyone. The U.S. are still in a far, far better position than the two teams below them in the standings in Group G, and we all need to keep that in mind. 4 pts. from two games is, all things considered, pretty good. It just sort of sucks how they got to 4 pts ...

2. Damn You Ronaldo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The U.S. were naïve and got caught upfield at the end of the game, and Bradley's migraine-inducing run of annoyingly bad play continued when he got dispossessed to start the Portuguese counterattack, but that pass from Ronaldo reminds you why it is that he is arguably the greatest player in the world. Go back and watch that play. There aren't many guys in the world who can make that play in that moment. Honestly, I can think of about two, both of which have saved their respective teams in the past two days. We all want to hate on CR7, but that pass was simply sensational.

3. Best game of the tourney
That was sensational soccer. Portugal got a garbage goal, a brilliant goal, and hung on the best they could with a struggling side. The U.S. did what good teams do when they trail – figure out the weak spots in the opposition, attack it, and have their best players step up and make plays. Jermaine Jones has been a Best XI sort of player in this tourney so far. He, Johnson, and then Yedlin absolutely wrecked Portugal down that flank. The last-ditch equalizer sucks, of course, but when you take part in what's easily the best of game of what's easily the best World Cup in decades, it stings a little bit less. No matter what happens Thursday, the U.S. has shown that it can play this game at an incredibly high and competitive level. And I do think it's going to get better from here. Something to theorize about in future posts.

4. Strange brew
The Belgians have too many good players, and Marc Wilmots is having a hard time finding XI to play well together as a unit. The Belgians have a rock of a keeper, two forwards and about 18 midfielders on their roster. They're built to run and play improv, street football – and they're a little mystified by teams which won't let them do it. The Russians were well organized today and Cappello really outcoached Wilmots, whose tactical choices didn't make a whole lot of sense: Lukaku isn't a post-up type forward, while 6'4" Fellaini was roaming aimlessly 30 yds. from goal. But the Belgians have probably the deepest bench in the tourney – all three goals they've scored have been after 70' and scored by the subs – and they outlasted the Russians, who ran out of gas. Belgium is on to the 16s and I suspect their last game v. South Korea will be something of a lab experiment. The Belgians have nothing to play for, so they may as well tinker and see if they can brew up a concoction with a more pleasant taste.

5. Bonus thought
Just when you think that a game is going to suck, Algeria and South Korea score six goals and run up and down and play one of the most fun games of the tournament. Granted, the Korean defense was about as terrible as I've seen in a World Cup in years, but props to the Fennec Foxes for taking the initiative and charging straight ahead. It's an odd team Algeria has, in that so many of their players are products of the French academy system, and given that this 4:2 win seemingly came out of nowhere – they've always been a cautious, tenacious, scheming lot, and then they were playing great, energetic football today. It sort of makes you wonder why they've kept that under wraps for so long. Let's hope they do the same against the Russian snooze machine on Thursday.

6. Another bonus thought
Since there are already rumours and rumblings that the fix might be in for next Thursday's game, since both the U.S. and Germany only need a draw, here is a more detailed story from The Guardian of 1982, which involves both the Algerians and Germans and which I mentioned in the preview blog. I do think both teams will play to win Thursday, but caution will be the order of the day, and if it's 0:0 after an hour, why would either side take the risk from there? You'll look far stupider putting yourself in a position to lose than if you choose to take a point. Just throwing that out there.

I Like 4 Thoughts and I Cannot Lie

How do you stop this?

1. Words Fail
Lionel Messi saved the game, the World Cup, the Argentine F.A. and maybe the whole of the Argentine government with this stoppage-time goal. And look at this play. The Iranians defend it well 2-deep, the keeper has a good angle. Messi is NOT OPEN! There are no words for this. Words fail. They just give up.

2. The better team lost
I do have plenty of words for Messi's team, however. Words like flat and immobile and uncreative and hideous and bad. It set up to be a fascinating game, since the field seemed to slope in one direction. Iran parked the bus from the outset – hell, it was more like a bus, a van, a burro and several mopeds. Argentina couldn't unlock it, so they seemed to try to coax the Iranians out of the shell by giving them more space with the ball – and exposed the fact that their back line isn't very good in the process, a fact which Iran couldn't quite take advantage of. All of a sudden, Iran started playing to win, and Romero saved Argentina's bacon with some excellent goalkeeping.

Argentina are something of a mess right now. They are playing too slow, and there is no movement. Everyone is standing around waiting for Messi to do something – which, I guess, is working right now.  A more ruthless opponent would've taken the Argentines apart today, and still might eventually, although they have time to figure it out. Argentina are lucky they have such an easy group and will likely have an easy matchup in the 16s – the best of their likely opponents, the Swiss, looked so disorganized yesterday that I cannot imagine them meticulously sticking to a game plan quite like the Iranians did today. Iran outplayed Argentina, outsmarted them and deserved better. But that's football. The better team loses a lot of the time.

3. Opportunity knocks
If you'd told me ahead of time that a win in the 2nd game v. Portugal would put the U.S. through to the 16s, I would've taken it. It wasn't the ideal result for the U.S. today, when Ghana and Germany drew 2:2, but the fact that the U.S. doesn't have to go chasing a result in their final game is near ideal.

And that was one helluva game today. The 2:2 draw is always a satisfying scoreline, implying an exciting and even match, and 2:2 was about the right result for what might've been the best all-around game of the tournament. Ghana and Germany played the second half of this one like a couple of impatient prizefighters who got tired of feeling each other out, said the hell with it and started throwing haymakers. Klose confirmed his place as the world's greatest 2-yard striker with his typical 2-yard strike where everyone else does the work for him and he taps it in, and the Black Stars offered up quite a bit for the U.S. to take note of ahead of the Germany game, exposing the German backline as the slow bunch of plodders that they are. Germany wants to play up tempo but simply can't do it. I'd like to see the U.S. take the game to them next week, regardless of what sort of result the Americans may need.

Bottom line – the opportunity is there for the U.S. tomorrow against a weakened, wounded Portugal and they had best not screw this up.

4. Open your eyes, ref!
Bosnia got screwed. No two ways about it. The goal called back was a terrible piece of officiating, and the disputed Nigerian goal, which featured a possible foul during the buildup, was somewhat iffy. Losing 1:0 under such circumstances, and also being eliminated from the tourney because of it, was a bitter pill for the Dragons to swallow. But part of what makes the game so compelling, in fact, is the inherent cruelty of it. The game is rife with grey areas and paradoxes. It's always spoken far more about human nature than other sports, simply because the results often do not seem just. And it's no consolation, of course, but the guys who officiated that game almost certainly won't be working any more games after the first round, given that they so drastically affected the outcome. Having said that ...

And now a moment of noise ...
Bosnia had their chances. Lots of them, in fact. Both teams did, and it was only some excellent goalkeeping on either side that kept it 1:0. Dzeko's touches seemed to get successively worse from the moment his goal was called back, and the Dragons seemed completely dead by the end of the game in the sauna that is Cuiaba. This is a weird team that is definitely a work in progress. They basically played a 2-7-1 formation in this game, lacking any sort of decent fullbacks. It still doesn't make any sense to me why they didn't play Ibisevic with Dzeko the whole game, but perhaps they felt the need to be a bit more cautious since depth was obviously a problem. Still, it seemed like they were a bit too cautious in this tournament. The Dragons are extremely young and are great with the ball at their feet, so there seems to be a bright future ahead. Combine this game with the bizarro own goal 2' into the game with Argentina, you can't help but feel like the Dragons were somewhat snakebit.

You Will Have 4 Thoughts and You Will Like It!

When you can do stuff like this, you are not a fluke

1. Ticos II: The Sequel!
I thought that Costa Rica were going to take some points from Group D, 1-2 pts. maybe, but certainly not six. Yet here they are with 6 pts. and a trip to the 16s and those 6 pts. were entirely deserved. Against both Uruguay and Italy, the better team won, and the Ticos were the better team. Costa Rica is not a fluke. They are sound on defense, yet they are not overly defensive. They want to possess the ball and use their great team speed. They play very well together, using that chemistry and continuity to make up for not having the superstar talent of their opponents (although both Campbell and Ruiz play high level European football, and Navas is an underrated goalkeeper who is having a great tourney). They have flat out, straight up, outplayed and outsmarted two élite opponents. CONCACAF is having a great World Cup so far, and have the realistic possibility of landing three sides in the 16s. We will discuss the reasons for that later, assuming the U.S. and Mexico hold up their end of the bargain.

2. Azzurri Worry
The Ticos clearly feel much more at home in the Brazilian climate than their opponents. The Italians looked completely gassed in the second half of the game today. No matter how many forwards they brought on to try and equalize, there was no spark. Balotelli's touches were heavy, but the rest of the Italians seemed a bit soft. Among the signs of unfocused play today were the fact they were caught offsides something like 11 times v. Costa Rica. I wonder if the game in Manaus really did take a heavy toll on them – both they and the English were pretty much dead by the 70' mark of that game. Italy's team fitness was definitely a factor coming into this tourney, and there was no way for them to properly prepare for the heat and humidity of Brazil, which is nothing like any of them have ever known. Of course, the Italians have also bitched about the conditions more than anyone, which isn't surprising. Shut up about the heat, guys, it's just as bad on the other side of the pitch. While I've never been a fan of Italian football (about the only thing I don't love about Italy, which is among my favourite places on earth), this new team has got my attention with their emphasis on playmaking, Were this tournament in a more friendly clime, I would think the Italians would be a favourite, but as it is, the Italians just seem to be getting slower and slower as this tourney goes on, and they are rapidly getting left behind.

And now a moment of noise ...
The win by Costa Rica means that England go home. Their World Cup lasted for all of about six days. And, quite honestly, they deserve it. England has a fundamental problem – they aren't very good. Look at that roster for a moment, and ask yourself if there is a single player in the starting XI that you would actually want on your team. Who would you want? I wouldn't want any of them. This team doesn't pass well and they're slippery in the back. So many of the goals they allow are plays where the defense just loses sight of a man entirely. It borders on inept.

I felt that when England in 2010 finished second to the U.S. in their group, it wasn't an upset. There were lots of typical English players like Gerrard and Terry and Lampard and Rooney with limited games and 1-dimensional profiles on that team. Sure, they have a high workrate, but everyone does at this level. England always seem to lack versatility, and if you take away whatever it is that they do well, they aren't able to come up with something better. This team was better than the 2010 squad, and had far worse results, in the end – but it came against better opponents, and the 2010 results weren't so great.

We had a discussion today on another thread about the EPL – an argument being put forth that having so many foreign players in the league hurts the English game as a whole. This argument is rubbish. Having the greatest collection of players in the world in your country should, in fact, raise the standard of your domestic game, since the greatest players also bring with them skills to be copied and ideas to be shared. Over time, your native players should theoretically improve and raise their own bar. It's certainly worked that way in Italy and Spain in the past, but that simply hasn't happened in England.

They need to blow the whole thing up in England, go young and take their lumps and see what happens. They haven't had a team worth getting excited about since 1998 – which they fucked up, anyway. This latest generation of players haven't achieved anything, nor have they been even close. As for those who support them, well, if England fails to meet your standards, your standards probably need to be lowered.

3. Vive Le France!
OK, show of hands. Who wants to play France in the knockout stage? Anyone? Anyone? Didn’t think so. Les Bleus are playing the best of any team in the tourney so far, and they completely overwhelmed the Swiss 5:2 in a game which wasn’t that close. The French are absolutely terrifying – big, fast, young, athletic, aggressive and skilled at seemingly every position on the pitch. This stampeding counterattack late in the 1st half pretty much destroyed what was left of Switzerland, who were already rapidly disintegrating:

Now that is how you run the break

The French have been somewhat surprising, and yet they really shouldn’t be. I’ve been watching the international game ever since Spain 1982, and throughout that time, France’s biggest nemesis has always seemed to be France. Their propensity for dramatic self-destruction is legendary. My thought was that the absence of Ribéry from the lineup would hurt the French tactically, but I’m wondering if it is helping them mentally. Ribéry was a breakout star in 2006, the final salvo from the most glorious era of French football which came to a rather inglourious end in the World Cup Final. Ribéry is also one of the few holdovers from the disgraceful French showing in 2010 – a team which, in chemistry and attitude, seems lifetimes away from this one. If anything, one less connection to the South African mess is one more notch for the good.

Benzema is making all the plays right now up front, both in terms of scoring goals and picking out the right passes. When skill players get hot, the confidence can spread through a team like a wildfire, and this team is on a absolute rampage, as they've scored 26 goals in their last seven matches. A French team truly playing as l’equipe has few equals in the world game, and the world should be a little bit nervous right now.

4. Slugfest
The Lose love the tenacity and competitiveness of the Big H, and appreciate their passion and zealotry. But, c’mon guys, you have to play some football at some point. Honduras appears to have come to Brazil intent on just being ruthless, cynical, and downright nasty in the way they go about fouling people. They’ve managed to get away with it so far, in the sense that they’ve only had one player ejected when they could’ve had about 5-6 in those two games. It’s clearly a tactical decision, since they seem to just foul anything that moves, and continued doing so today against Ecuador, when they got dinged for a reckless challenge all of about 4 seconds into the game. The referee had his hands full with this one, since the Ecuadorians weren't in too good of a mood. There were plenty of stoppages.

What’s puzzling about this is that all of us here in the CONCACAF part of the world have seen the H play some good football before. In The Hex last year, they beat the U.S. and the Ticos at home, and won a game vs. El Tri at Azteca. There is some talent on that team which has played at high international levels, even though they are somewhat simplistic in their approach to the game. It was something of a shock when the H concentrated on playing football long enough to score a goal at 31’ v. Ecuador today – their first World Cup goal since 1982. Had they continued to lead and continued to foul, I imagine tempers would’ve wound up flaring, as it was clear that Ecuador wasn’t thrilled.

In the end, Ecuador found their composure and netted a 2:1 win, but I’m still not sure why exactly Honduras thinks this is a particularly good strategy. Well, obviously, they think it’s the only way they can compete and that they keep getting away with it, but at 0 pts. and -4 and needing a miracle to advance, perhaps some rethinking is in order.

4 Thoughts Please!

Yes, this actually happened

1. Oh, for fucksake
England played well in their first match, a 2:1 loss to Italy in which they were good but the Italians were just a little better. Uruguay, meanwhile, were awful against Costa Rica, losing 3:1 and getting run into the ground by the Ticos. Whereas England showed some verve and positivity while slogging the Manaus morass, Uruguay were exposed as being slow, old, and cynical. This is basically the same team which finished 4th in South Africa in 2010, and unlike the fine Uruguayan wine I had at The Official Wine Bar of In Play Lose, this group hasn’t aged particularly well. So all signs were pointing to an England victory today, with the exception of one slight problem.

England were involved.

The Three Lions controlled the pace v. Uruguay, dominated possession and eventually even managed to set Rooney up for a chance that not even Rooney could miss. And Uruguay, meanwhile, were reduced to fielding basically two full-time players who are any good (though, to give props, flaky Uruguayan keeper Muslera had a good match), one of whom – lethal striker Luis Suárez – isn’t exactly an unknown commodity. He plays for Liverpool, so all of the Three Lions play against him in the EPL. Hell, some of them play with him in the EPL, so they know what kind of player he is. He isn’t the sort of player you should, oh, you know, lose track of on the field.

Which England did. Twice.

It’s not like Suárez did anything brilliant on his two goals, although his header on the first was quite nice. Both times, he mozied down the center of High St. while a tourist masquerading as an England centre back was enjoying the sights of Brazil – the second of which, featured in tonight’s gif, was absolutely ridiculous.

So it’s Uruguay 2:1 England and it’s an utterly inexcusable loss. And I’m sure that this will somehow wind up being Rooney’s fault, given that Fleet St. and English football fans love killing their idols. England always seem to be unable to choose between older players they don’t really like and younger players they don’t think they need. They still have a nonzero chance of qualifying for the second round, although they’re going to need some help. Given how frail Uruguay has looked for the better part of two games, this was a wasted opportunity.

2. The best defense is a good offense ... sometimes ...
Two of the most exciting teams in the tourney so far are Chile and Colombia, both of whom like to press up the pitch. Way up the pitch. Way, way, WAY up the pitch. Chile wants to create chaos and turn every game into a track meet, while Colombia’s front seven is stacked with exciting attacking talent. That aggressive mindset paid big dividends today for Los Cafeteros, as they pounced all over a Côte d’Ivoire mistake in the back to score a second goal. Both of these teams have pragmatic reasons for playing this type of game, however – their backlines are, well, lousy. It didn’t matter against Spain, but Chile’s defensive shortcomings managed to nearly undo all the good they had done v. Australia in their opener. They now face the Dutch who, even without the suspended van Persie, will like their chances with the Chilean backs somehow trying to track down Robben. As for Colombia, their response to taking a 2-goal lead v. the Elephants was to promptly let Gervinho waltz through the defense unabated and cut the margin in half. From then on, Los Cafeteros seemed to think the best way to protect a slim lead was to have five guys pressed 80 yards up the pitch. Some more coherent work from the Côte d’Ivoire up front would’ve properly punished Colombia for their sloppy work. I’m all for attacking, and these teams are really great to watch, but you have to be able to get some stops if you want to go deep in this tournament. Just play a little defense here and there. Not much. Just a little.

3. The Elephants in the room
I said above the Elephants needed more coherent play. I think a better choice of words would be more selfless play. That team played today like a bunch of guys who don’t like each other. Lots of very selfish play, particularly in the last third and especially after they’d fallen behind. No one wanted to make that extra pass or extra run, when it was obvious from the lax Colombian defense that plenty of space was available. The Elephants will still likely advance, given that they play Greece next, who are godfuckingterrible, but this continues to get in their own collective way and prevent the sorts of results they should be attaining. It’s no big deal if guys don’t like each other on a team. Quite honestly, it’s pretty normal. (Read this article to get a better picture.) So get over it and play some football. Win the damn game and hate each other later. You can blame the guys you don’t like for the losses, but in the end, you still lose right along with them.

4. Sinking in the East
There has been talk in recent years, off and on, of expanding the World Cup to 40 teams. One of the beneficiaries of this would be Africa, which I’m in favour of, since I think the quality is there if only they can get past all of the politics. The other big beneficiary, in terms of gaining more places in the tournament, would be Asia, but if the performances in this tourney are indicative of the quality of play in the AFC, they may merit fewer places instead of more. The three worst games of this tournament all involved Asian sides, the last of which was today when Japan drew 0:0 with 10-man Greece and pretty much couldn’t hit the ocean from a boat. Iran seemed to think that you should have 10 men behind the ball even when you have the ball, and I have no idea what South Korea was trying to accomplish. To be fair to those three teams, all three of those horrible matches ended in draws, and 1 > 0, but never once did you think any of those three teams were capable of winning. The only AFC team to show anything in this tourney has been Australia – who are already going home. FIFA’s worldwide initiatives to grow the game have worked in CONCACAF and in Africa, and Asian sides developed well in the aftermath of S. Korea/Japan 2002, but now they seem to be horribly regressing.

3 Moments of Noise

Only the 2nd stupidest thing Cameroon did today

Tonight we present three moments of noise, one for each of those fallen sides who will soon be leaving Brazil. Because this is In Play Lose, of course, and it is important that we return to our mission by focusing upon what definitely was weak this week. And we don't want to have a moment of silence, because that would just be a bunch of blank space. So let's make some noise!

Australia
The Socceroos deserve plaudits and high fives for their spirited performances v. both Chile and the Netherlands – games which were closer than, by all right, they should be. Australia played with class and competed like hell against what look to be two of the better teams in this tourney. Given how awful they were looking in the run-up to the tourney, that they pulled it back together was certainly commendable. The talent just wasn’t there to get them further. I’m not really sure where the Aussies go from here. They certainly made a splash in 2006, when they were out-and-out-jobbed against the Italians. They seem to still be living off that glory, however. This team was already too old and slow in 2010, and it hasn’t really gotten any younger. Fortunately, they play in the weakest of the world’s regions, so there is ample opportunity for trial-and-error going forward on the talent front.

Cameroon
Jeez, guys, there I go pumping your tires in my praise of African football last night and you go out and do that today? When Alex Song decided at 40’ to elbow Mandzukic in the back and get himself tossed, the only thing that I could think was that he was doing so because he wanted to get tossed and get as far away from this mess of a side as soon as possible. The Indomitable Lions showed some good stretches early on v. Mexico, but once El Tri started scoring goals – albeit disallowed goals courtesy of Mr. Magoo over there acting as linesman – this team just sort of caved. Which, really, isn’t all that surprising. In Simon Kuper’s excellent book Football v. the Enemy, which should be required reading about all LOSE readers, he spends a considerable period of time and pages on Cameroon – a bitterly divided nation where football, much like seemingly everything else, is rife with corruption, division, and politics. This team seems to regularly have the talent to reach this level, but lack the cohesion and continuity to do anything more than meekly exit. Sure enough, this year they showed up late, the players bickered with each other, they bickered with their federation, and they weren’t any good in the end.

Such a dysfunctional ending as we saw today seemed rather appropriate. This team caught a huge break drawing Tunisia for the African playoffs, who backed in thanks to this mess. Egypt and Burkina Faso were better teams who got worse draws. It was always going to be tough for Cameroon, but today they completely disintegrated, and now they get to be fodder in a few days for a Brazil team likely to be in a really bad mood. Good luck with that.

Spain
I posed this question the other day in the preview: what did it say about the state of Spanish football that Atlético de Madrid – a collection of castoffs and loaners and discount buys – had pipped Real and Barca in La Liga? I mean, no diss to Atlético at all for winning, but given how much of La Furia Roja ply their trade for those two big clubs, such substandard (by their standards) finishing in La Liga made me wonder if something wasn’t quite right on the Iberian. Well, I guess we have our answer.

Soon after Xabi Alonso’s penalty gave Spain the lead v. the Dutch, the Oranje launched two long balls – one to Robben, one to van Persie – both of which were fractions offside. Those types of passes were very un-Oranje in nature, but both of them suggested a lack of foot speed in Spain’s defense. The Dutch then did it twice more, once right before the half and once soon after the break, both of which resulted in goals. The Dutch had figured them out, and heaven help you on the football pitch if the Dutch figure you out, as no team so mercilessly exploits opposing weaknesses. The Dutch not only destroyed Spain 5-1, they possibly also destroyed the entire way Spanish football will be played from hereon. The Oranje can publish that blueprint and collect royalties after that thorough and rather systematic stomping.

I could understand del Bosque’s notion to change things up today in an attempt to find a spark, but that lineup against Chile was downright bizarre. It just wasn’t going to work against a Chilean team that attacks, attacks, and then, when they get tired, attack some more just for the fuck of it. Spain, as presently constructed, are old, slow, unathletic and passé.

There sure were a lot of pundits predicting a Spain repeat as champions. The LOSE himself, while skeptical of such predictions of Spanish glory, still had Spain ranked #5 going into the tourney. This begs the question, in retrospect: what on Earth were all of us thinking? Spain went with what had been winning them championships ever since 2008, and you can certainly see why they would think to do that – if it ain’t broke don’t fix it and all – but the response from teams to the quick pitches and the high heat has been to emphasize youth, tempo and athleticism. I’m not sure anyone was expecting the game, itself, to change this rapidly. It’s almost like basketball on grass out there at times. Spain lack physicality up front and foot speed in the back. They’re still a bunch of midfielders passing it about between the boxes – and once the back 8 of the Oranje’s 5-3-2 clamped down on that midfield, and they starting throwing long bombs to Robben and van Persie running fly patterns, Spain was in big, big trouble.

I’ve loved watching this team over the past six years, as they’ve played a style never seen before – one which played both offense and defense at the same time, threatening opponents while simultaneously driving them mad through constant possession of the ball. Never have 1-0 games look so dominating. They’ve certainly got good young players (Spain won the European U-21s in 2013, after all), but a quick look at the rosters of France and the Netherlands and Belgium seems to indicate that the future was now. In that sense, Spain may actually be behind at the moment. And we certainly need to toast Spain for six years of pretty spectacular, championship football. I will drink to that, for sure, although I don’t need many reasons to start drinking. And something tells me we will be toasting more fallen sides here soon. Maybe even as soon as Thursday ...

4 Pennies for Your Thoughts

Dr. Strangegloves

1. Mexico wins 0-0!
Ochoa was a beast. His brave performance kept it level and earned El Tri the point. El Tri seem to treat goalkeepers in the same Flavour-of-the-Month manner that they treat coaches, so Ochoa has been bouncing in and out of the lineup for years. He’s had a strange career. Not only has he suddenly established himself as the #1 guy in Mexico, but he’d be wearing the number 1 shirt on the World Cup Best XI right about now as well. And El Tri need that stability and that sanity. That was an outstanding effort today to take a point in hostile territory, but Seleção always do bring out the best in Mexico, as El Tri have had more success vs. Brazil across all competitions than pretty much any other nation has.

2. Brazil loses 0-0!
Quite honestly, if this tourney wasn’t being played in Brazil, I would expect this team to go out in the 16s. Even at home, Seleção still might. Before the tourney, I would’ve suggested that there were maybe only 4-5 teams who realistically would’ve thought they had a chance to beat the Brazilians on their turf. After these two games, that number is probably closer to 10. To be blunt, Scolari’s system football worked in 2002, in part, because the tourney was so bad. Lots of teams were injury prone, moving up the schedule wrecked preparation time for others – and Brazil still had better players than anyone else. If they have better players than anyone else in 2014, well, Scolari might want to put them in the game sooner than later. The highest level of Brazilian soccer has always seen the triumph of imagination, creativity and grace – if Plan A didn’t work, they’d run through Plans B-Z until they found one that worked, and usually did so within a few possessions. This team’s m.o. seems to consist entirely of Neymar inventing something out of nothing. After that, they seem out of ideas. El Tri showed today that Seleção truly are vulnerable, even on their home pitch, and given the way clubs have been aggressive throughout this tourney so far, it seems unlikely a 16s or 8s opponent – one which likely played confident, attacking football to get them to that point in the tourney – is suddenly going to become scared of playing Brazil. Which I think is an excellent development, having watched opponents cower before the Brazilians for much of the past 30 years. Brazil could still very well win this tourney, but they are truly going to have to earn it.

3. If it's Tuesday, it must be Belgium
The Belgians had the sort of match going today which can make you hate the game of soccer. It can be a cruel game, and chasing a game can be among the most frustrating of sporting endeavours. The Belgians held the ball for 70% of possession, outshot Algeria 17-3, but there they were looking at a shock defeat with 20 minutes remaining, as Algeria’s one shot on target had found the way into the net. But once they got the first goal at 70 minutes courtesy of Fellaini – captain of the World Cup’s All-Hair Team to be sure – the second seemed almost a certainty. Which is sort of how it felt like it would go last night in the U.S.-Ghana game – and thus, the quick response by the Americans and the U.S. win seemed even more shocking in the moment. The Red Devils are everyone’s “darkhorse” and “surprise team” this year, so much so that the only real surprise surrounding Belgium would’ve been if they’d lost this match. Given the hot garbage that passed for a 1:1 draw between Russia and South Korea later in the afternoon, it would appear the Belgians have already survived their toughest test in Group H.

4. Afrolicious
The Fennec Foxes acquitted themselves well in defeat today. They are a savvy side, much more European in style of play than the other African sides (which I suppose makes sense, given that so many of the players grew up in France). With the exception of Nigeria, all of the African sides have looked good so far. As I’ve documented before, I love me some African football. I really would like to see more slots allotted to Africa in the World Cup, since I do think the quality is there to back it up. What would help the CAF to plead that case, of course, is more positive results in the tournament, which continue to be hard to come by. The Elephants are in a good position to advance, and their game with Colombia should be terrific. And I actually think Ghana poses some interesting problems for the Germans, given that they’ve got so much speed and the Germans have been reduced to playing four centre backs in their injury riddled back line. (Of course, Germany will pose big problems for Ghana as well, since the Black Stars had all of five minutes in the game vs. the U.S. they needed to defend, and couldn’t mark the grass they were standing on.) Cameroon was always going to be up against it, but they had good moments early v. Mexico. I won’t even pretend to guess what the Nigerians are doing.

On a related subject, the Official House Band of IN PLAY LOSE has a new record out. Buy this record. It is 100% guaranteed to raise your household level of happiness.

happy thoughts, 4 of them ...

That Was Quick

I will give no thought to Iran and Nigeria, since Iran and Nigeria gave no thought to forming an actual game plan for the 0:0 cure for insomnia midday.

1. 34 seconds
A good way to get over your opening game jitters is to score :34 into the game. This created a problem in that, from then on, Ghana was chasing the game, which is what they do well with the kind of athletes they have. That they spent 81 minutes doing so may have been a part of their undoing, as that’s a long time to chase a target, and when they got to 1-1 they had to play defence, which they didn’t do very well, which is why they were chasing the game for 81 minutes in the first place.

There were about 4 U.S. guys open on that corner. Beautifully executed set piece.

2. 3 points please
I read a few places online that the U.S. weren’t the better side in this game. Those places are wrong. The U.S. made the plays to win, and Ghana failed to make the most of their possession and chances. (And, furthermore, I have no idea why a] Boateng wasn’t starting for the Black Stars, since he wrecked the U.S. midfield upon insertion, and b] why they didn’t try to get Asamoah more involved early on, since he is probably their best all-around player and was stuck playing left back while the Black Stars ran constantly down their right side of the pitch.) The game is often about being resourceful and tenacious. Once Altidore got hurt, the game plan sort of went out the window, but the U.S. still found a way to win the game. There are no ugly wins ... there are no ugly wins ... and this was not an ugly win. Ghana certainly made it tough, because Ghana are really good. It was a great game to watch.

3. Let’s make it 6 points, shall we?
I’ve thought from the original draw that Portugal were the ‘easiest’ game for the U.S. – easiest in the sense that they are the easiest for the U.S. to match up against. My best case scenario for the U.S. in this Group was to get a draw v. Ghana, focus on finding a way to beat Portugal, and then figure it out in the third game. Well, now … shit, aim high. 6 points means you’re almost certainly through to the 16s. 6 points means house money, means you can try all kinds of shit vs. the Germans and see what happens, means that you can really start to think big. It went nearly perfect today for the Americans.

4. Speaking of Portugal …
Portugal were horrible today. That was a total disaster. They lost 4:0 to a beat up German side who only had to put in about 45’ worth of work. That game said a lot more about how bad Portugal was than how good Germany is. Portugal may be #4 in the FIFA rankings, but they’ve never passed the eye test. Having the world’s #1A player masques that they have a lot of pretty average players. And Ronaldo doesn’t look fit – he wasn’t that difficult for the Germans to mark today, and seemed like he was only moving half-speed at times. Portugal lost Pepe to a stupid red card, lost two more players to injury, and now have to run through the molasses in Manaus against a U.S. team which, even with their own injury woes, is considerably more fit at the moment, and which also seems to have been specifically designed to run at the Portuguese.

4 new thoughts

Switzerland score at the gun

1. Playing to Win
If there was ever a game where the teams should've been content to take the 1:1 draw, it was the mess of a game between Switzerland and Ecuador where both teams gave up sloppy set piece goals and squandered all sorts of chances. Instead we got the nuttiest ending in the history of the World Cup. The Seferovic goal at 93' capped off 90 seconds of frenzy – an Ecuadorian player going on a 70 yard sprint with the ball, passing off for a shot but then Ecuador squanders the chance, the Swiss tackle desperately and promptly break 90 yards the other way, with a Swiss midfielder getting run over but then stumbling back to his feet fast enough to compel the ref to play the advantage, leading to this jailbreak with Seferovic making about a 60 yard diagonal run and scoring the goal. The Swiss have been dull and defensive in the past, but this team is very young and has some skill to it. I've been hating on the Swiss for a while now, but this was pretty compelling stuff.

2. What the H was that?
Who on earth thought it would be a good idea for Honduras to try and get physical with France? The French are HUGE. That wasn't going to end well. The H went a man down, conceded a penalty, ran up a large number of yellow cards, and gave themselves no chance. C'mon, H, you have to be a little smarter than that.

3. Lionel Messi is a bad, bad man

Sick

How do you stop this? Messi creates his own space like no player I have ever seen. This was just a simple give and go with Higuain, and Messi makes a masterpiece out of it. Just making those small little dribbles running parallel to the 18 at that pace give him room and have the Bosnians falling all over themselves. He is impossible to defend, simply because the things he can do with the ball just don't make sense to normal humans. Argentina muddled about for a lot of this game, as Messi found himself hounded by a posse of Bosnians for most of the game, but then he does something like this and it doesn't matter. Brilliant.

4. Play to your strengths
Bosnia scored 30 goals in qualifying, but decided to go conservative vs. Argentina, opting to only play 1 striker and feeling like they couldn't play run and gun – and since the Argentine frontline players scored 122 goals between them in the club season, you can see why Bosnia were thinking that way. Thing was, the Dragons controlled most of the middle of the game after clownshoesing an own goal 2' into the game to find themselves a goal down. Their typical, dynamic 2-striker format would've served them well at that point, but their usual crisp last third play was amiss. This was a case where the Bosnians may have outsmarted themselves. You gotta play to your strengths. Bosnia's strengths are offense, offense, and offense. They could possibly lose 5-2 to the Argentines in a firefight, but they had NO chance to win playing it close to the vest.

4 more thoughts

Ticos seal the real deal

1. Ticos!
As I said in the preview the other day, Costa Rica is a country whose football gets mocked because of the smallness of the nation. Anyone who watches CONCACAF closely knows there is some very good talent there. This wasn’t one of those upsets where a team sneaks a goal and then parks the bus in front of the goal. The Ticos were quicker and more athletic at every position on the pitch and took full advantage, which leads me to my next point …

2. Speed kills
Uruguay lacked pace. They were already something of a donut, with no midfield to speak of, but as soon as the Ticos fully seized the initiative, Uruguay looked like they were slogging through the mud. Their failings mirrored Spain’s from the day before. The Greeks were in super slo-mo while Colombia were flying all over the place. The Elephants started to push the pace and went from 0-1 to 2-1 in short order (with the help of some typically dubious Japanese goalkeeping). Quick tempo is the order of the day so far in Brazil. The game is more athletic than ever, and teams that feel they have the athleticism advantage are using it to the fullest.

3. Offense is the new black
It used to be that the World Cup’s first couple of days featured a token mismatch, a 0-0 draw, a 1-1 draw, and maybe a 1-0 game with a marginal penalty. Zzzzz … in 2014 so far, we’ve got 28 goals in 8 games and teams are attacking and going up and down the field. Being somewhat tight and cautious in the first game is something of a natural impulse, of course, but it’s never made sense to take a cautious tactical position. The general way teams often go about it is play not to lose the first game, play to win the second, then figure out what you need to do in the third – but 3 pts. for the win helps you far more than 0 pts. for the loss hurts you. It’s about time some teams started doing the math and taking some risks earlier in the tournament. Perhaps even more encouraging, from a quality of play standpoint, is the way the stars are making all the plays. These are all-star teams essentially, where there is bound to be some lack of cohesion since guys haven’t played much together. The best thing to do in that circumstance is get the ball to your best guys and let them make stuff up.

4. More coffee please
Damn, the Colombians looked awesome. I want to see more of that for sure. The Cafeteros game with Côte d’Ivoire could be spectacular.

4 Thoughts on the World Cup

what a beautiful goal

1. Shot across the bow
Reports of the Oranje's demise have been greatly exaggerated. Their 5:1 win over Spain was nothing short of the most devastating performance in a World Cup in about 30 years. Their old school, 5-3-2 formation completely dominated the world champions – the fullbacks accounted for a goal and two assists. Skill players get hot, and the partnership of Van Persie and Robben clicking on all cylinders is worrisome. Those two ran wild in this game. And this match was a statement to the other 30 teams in this tournament – if you want to win this tourney, you had better up your game, because if the Dutch play six more games like this, they are taking that trophy home with them.

2. Spain is screwed
The math really does them in at this point – they're down -6 in spread to 2nd place Chile to Group B. Even with a win in the next game v. Chile, they likely need help to advance from the Dutch, who sure as hell aren't going to help them. I was reminded, while watching this game, of the 2004 Mariners. The 2001 Mariners won 116 games. The M's in 2002-03 were 90+ win teams who got eked out of the playoffs. The 2004 M's finished last, a collective group of talent who got old and slow and shockingly bad all at once. Spain was like that today. Their 1-0 lead was hardly deserved, and what was more telling than the final scoreline was how dominated Spain was – much like they were in the Confed Cup final a year ago. Sneijder and De Jong wiped out the Spain midfield game, and the Spanish passing game style – controlling the ball 75% of the time and frustrating the opponents into oblivion – felt passé. There is still time for Spain to recover, but the deck is certainly stacked against them.

3. 3 points is 3 points
Brazil was meh and still won 3:1 v. Croatia, owing to a gift penalty, some marginal Croatian goalkeeping, and a generally cowardly offensive approach by the red and white checkers. Whatever. Wins are wins. I heard a lot of pundits say "the Brazilians need to up their games ..." Well, no shit. First game jitters, they didn't play all that well, and they still win 3:1 while conceding an own goal. Brazil is just fine. They are many yards ahead of the other teams in Group A. They won't have a legit challenge for another 3-4 games.

4. The officiating sucks
There have been two disallowed goals which should have been good and two penalties which are marginal, if not phantom. In four games. That's unacceptable. After 2010, you would think that FIFA would've done more to raise the world officiating standards, but the refs seem outmatched and seem to be guessing a lot of the time. Both penalties they've awarded were plays were officials were anticipating the fouls, instead of seeing the play and making the call. The missed goals – both in the Mexico game v. Cameroon – were downright sloppy. C'mon here guys, you can do better than this.

Why The Lose? The 3-sentence World Cup preview

The LOSE would be more than willing to pontificate and extol the virtues of the World Cup, which is the greatest sporting event in the world, but I'm tired. I'm really tired. I've spent much of the past 11 months writing a novel, which I finally finished earlier today, and I don't have much energy at the moment.

So we're going to keep this brief. Really brief.

Welcome to the IN PLAY LOSE 3-sentence World Cup preview, in which I will say everything that needs to be said about each team in the tourney in no more than three sentences, while also giving my predictions for what promises to be a helluva tourney – and, I suspect, an unpredictable one. A recent spate of injuries among some of the world's elite players have robbed the event of some of its star power, and also put the fortunes of their teams in doubt. In a few cases, I suspect those injuries may be impossible to overcome. Brazil was already going to provide a challenge in terms of climate. Manaus has certainly drawn most of the attention on that front, given that its in the middle of the Amazon, but Cuiaba ain't exactly a picnic, and any city nearish the equator is going to create climate issues which a good number of teams – particularly the Europeans, but not exclusively such – have never experienced. The Lose suspects this will translate to more goals in 2014 than in previous World Cups, since the defences will be lagging in the heat and humidity and substitutes off the bench have the potential to be even more effective. Jürgen Klinsmann was thinking ahead on that front – his selections of DeAndre Yedlin and Julian Green to the U.S. team are purely about having late game speed on the wings available off his bench. Late game speed is going to kill in this tournament.

And now, since I'm tired and cranky, here is my rundown of 32 teams along with their WTL factors. WTL stands for 'Why the Lose,' as in reasons why The LOSE should consider writing about this team over the course of the next month. On with the opera! Oh, wait, this is Brazil ... on with the samba!

THANK YOU FOR PLAYING
32. Australia
WTL: because this is a blog about losing; because the Aussies are going to lose a lot; because given how important goal difference might be in Group B, the Aussies are also likely to lose quite badly.

31. Iran
WTL: because this is the team most likely to fire everyone before the tournament is even over; because it is not really a surprise that the most talented team in Asia underperforms, given the prevalence of meddlesome domestic politics in the sport, which is not really a surprise since this is Iran we are talking about, which is the most politicized society on earth; because for all the talk of the U.S. as the Great Satan, it hasn’t stopped the Iranians from employing an American as one of their defenders, thus proving once again that football can be extremely pragmatic.

30. Cameroon
WTL: because dumb stuff like this always seems to happen with this team; because when dumb stuff like that isn't happening to Team Dysfunctional (which, for African football, is saying something), silly stuff like this is happening; because while they have some good talent, everyone else in Group A has more, which is why they are likely to finish last.

29. Honduras
WTL: because I love me some H and love the attitude they bring to the event; because attitude only gets you so far; because I want the H to do well, but ... uh, no

28. Algeria
WTL: because I've wanted the best for this team ever since I first started watching the World Cup in 1982, when Algeria got hosed so bad that FIFA forever changed the format of its tournaments; because this is a crafty and savvy team which competes hard and usually punches about its weight in big events; because they are nonetheless a bit overmatched in their group and lacking the offensive skills to win, but they will show themselves well.

27. Greece
WTL: because this is the most boring team in the world; because watching their games is like biting a rock; because they have never won a World Cup match, and aren't likely to do so in this tourney, either.

26. South Korea
WTL: because this is the 2nd likeliest team to fire everyone before the tournament is over; because their best performance in the World Cup, in 2002, turned out to be fodder for skeptics and conspiracy theorists alike, and makes it difficult to have much sympathy for this team; because they generally play some fun, up-tempo football which is good to watch but will likely also lead to giving up lots of goals to Belgium and Russia.

25. Costa Rica
WTL: because the Ticos are disrespected worldwide entirely on the basis of the size of the country, and not the quality of their play; because the Ticos have shown an ability to play well on the world's biggest stage and overachieve in the past; because people will be shocked, when they should not be, if/when the Ticos take 1 point/3 points from the team at #24 ...

24. England
WTL: because it is impossible for England ever to do well enough in the World Cup to satisfy its fan and silence its football paparazzi – if England won the World Cup and finished #1, Fleet St. would complain that the English hadn't yet achieved #0 yet; because the overzealous press and unrealistic fans make this team so easy to mock; because the fact is that there isn't a single player on this team that, were I to start a club, I would want, and it wouldn't surprise me at all if they finished last in Group D.

LOVELY PARTING GIFTS 
23. Mexico
WTL: because there appeared to be some progress made with new head coach Miguel Herrera; because those injuries suffered in that display of carnage with Ecuador a few weeks ago makes you wonder why teams are playing friendlies at all, and if they even know what the word friendly means; because as much as I like trolling El Tri, big picture wise it is good for CONCACAF teams to do well in the World Cup, but I suspect El Tri is going to find it difficult to advance, although it wouldn't surprise me.

22. Japan
WTL: because Honda is the most likely player to score on a free kick that is absolutely sick; because the Japanese have got some outstanding technicians, like Honda, whom you best not give chances to beat you; because this team looked rather slow and unathletic last summer during the Confederations Cup, which is going to be their undoing in a tourney in which, I suspect, athleticism is going to be key.

21. Switzerland
WTL: because no team is going to face more international Schadenfreude than this one, given that they 'earned' a #1 seed in the draw for reasons which defy all common sense; because unlike in the past, when the Swiss were content to plod along and keep it close, the Swiss actually have some offensive talent; because this team will only go as far as Xherdan Shaqiri takes them, which isn't going to be that far.

20. Nigeria
WTL: because the Super Eagles game with Bosnia is the game in the World Cup most likely to end 5-3; because the Super Eagles are capable of doing something brilliant, something confounding, and something disastrous, all within the span of about 10 minutes; because I would much rather be pleasantly surprised in the unlikely event that they overachieve than pick them to succeed and wind up disappointed.

19. Chile
WTL: because the Chileans have probably the most grounds for griping about the draw of any team outside Group G; because having said that, they are entirely capable of springing a couple of upsets – and I do mean a couple of upsets; because I'm afraid they are going to be the odd men out, which sucks.

SO, ABOUT THAT GROUP G ...
16-17-18. Ghana/Portugal/United States, pick any order
WTL: because I honestly have no idea how this group is going to end, and thinking about it off and on for 6 months hasn't changed the fact that I cannot make up my mind; because I think Klinsmann has circled the Portugal game and marked it as the game the U.S. can win, which I agree with because Ronaldo is hurting and, without Ronaldo, Portugal sure looks average; because damn that Ghana team is good and deserved better than this, and really everyone in this group is good and it wouldn't surprise me if any of them advance from what is the toughest group in the history of the World Cup, and pox on FIFA for inventing a pod system which allowed such a group to happen in the first place, and at this moment in time I think the nod for the 2nd spot may go to Ghana but ask me again in about 10 minutes and I am likely to change my mind.

ONTO THE 2ND ROUND!
15. Croatia
WTL: because this team cannot possibly play this bad for much longer; because they are likely to benefit from the assortment of injuries befalling the Mexicans; because being #15 on this list means I cannot get all that excited about them.

14. Ecuador
WTL: because Group E is a terrible group and gives them the opportunity to advance; because the injury to Ribery knocks France back and gives them even more of a chance to be a surprise team; because I've got to be honest, I don't know that much about this team other than they win all of their games at the 9,000 altitude of Quito, but that ain't gonna help them much in Brazil.

13. Russia
WTL: because the Russians always underachieve, and usually play spotty defense; because I will likely go off into a tangent at some point about the World Cup in 2018, which is really what the Russians should be shooting for except that they tend to have a hard time getting organized at all, which continues to be their undoing; because there are some snipers on this team which make them potentially dangerous, but Roman Shirokov was the guy who was gonna get those snipers the ball, and now he is hurt.

12. Bosnia i Herzegovina
WTL: because this team is likely to bring the most joy and delight to this tournament, given that it's their 1st appearance in the World Cup and given their fun-and-gun offensive style; because, seriously, you should read this article to understand what sort of burden this team carries; because they don't have much depth and don't play any much defence, which is wildly entertaining but not necessarily a winning strategy.

11. Colombia
WTL: because I LOVE COFFEE!; because I would like to see for myself how this team got to be worthy of a #1 seed; because the loss of Falcao is huge, but the Colombians should still be able to advance.

10. Côte d’Ivoire
WTL: because this is probably the last go around for Drogba and a generation of great players, who have carried far more than just the sporting hopes of their impoverished, war-torn nation with them and handled it with class (even if the relationship with their homeland has been a bit murky at times); because on the pitch the Elephants are really good, and have been for a while; because for once they did not get a terrible draw.

9. Netherlands
WTL: because, clearly, whomever set up the draw didn't read the script; because there is still some star power up front with Robben, van Persie and Sneijder, but the Oranje has gone awfully groen on the back end and are missing some key players with injuries; because the Dutch never go quietly, having been eliminated five times since 1974 by the eventual World Cup champion, and finishing second in Group B would mean a matchup in the 16s with Brazil ... hmm ...

YOUR QUARTERFINALISTS
8. France
WTL:  because even with Ribery's injury, the French should be able to waltz through Group E; because of Ribery's injury, getting as far as they could've gone is likely to be impossible; because I've been rooting for the French since the greatest, most heartbreaking soccer game I have ever seen.

7. Uruguay
WTL: because after finishing 4th in South Africa and after winning the last South American championship, they promptly finished 5th in qualifying and barely made the field, but they did the same thing four years ago and it turned out OK, which leads me to wonder if there is some method to the madness; because this team has a fascinating balancing act up front, between the selfless play of Cavani, the sanity of Forlan, and Luis Suarez, who is out of his mind; because when you have those three guys to build around, you're in a pretty good spot.

6. Argentina
WTL: because they have Messi; because aside from Messi, this team is absolutely stacked; because it doesn't really matter how much talent this team stacks up, they always seem to find a way to mess it up.

5. Spain
WTL: because is it just me or is this team losing a step due to age, and what does it say about the state of Spanish soccer that the two bastions of the sport and chief suppliers of national talent – Réal and Barca – got pipped this year by Atletico, a collection of loaners, cast-offs, spare parts and mutts; because this team absolutely, positively has to beat the Dutch in their first game or they're doomed, but this team always seems to win those types of games; because this has been arguably the greatest team in history, but all good things must come to an end.

YOUR SEMIFINALISTS
4. Germany
WTL: because this is still fundamentally a game played by two teams of 11 players in which the Germans always win; because, for as likable as this 'new' German team is, they still haven't won anything of relevance; because whomever wins Group G has a pretty easy road map to follow after that, and the Germans are far more likely to be challenged just to get out of the group than they are in the 16s or the 8s.

3. Italy
WTL: because if you combine the tactical acumen with some youth and creativity, you get a badass team which would be the favourite to win the World Cup were it being held in any other country; because Pirlo has the ball on a string and Balotelli is a game changing forward like Italy has never had before; because the biggest enemy of this team may be the weather (particularly in Manaus v. England) which may ultimately be this team's undoing.

YOUR (SURPRISE) FINALIST
2. Belgium
WTL: because The LOSE thought it was a good idea to go with a reach, since this World Cup is likely not to make sense, and nothing makes less sense in the world than the country of Belgium; because somewhat remarkably a team has come to exist that, player-for-player, is more talented than any other team in the tourney – so much so that they can lose their starting striker to an injury and quite possibly be even better because of it; because teams with this much talent and this little experience either shine brightly or go supernova, and I’m inclined to think it’s the former since, along with all that talent, this team also has a we-don’t-give-a-fuck-who-you-are-we-are-coming-to-stomp-on-your-face attitude, the sort of mindset necessary but sorely lacking over the years when it has come to taking on the team the Belgians will meet in the final ...

YOUR CHAMPION
1. Brazil
WTL: because few teams in the world possess both the talent and the mindset necessary to defeat them – two of whom, the Dutch and the French (both of whom have given Brazil fits in the World Cup) are weakened, and one of whom, the Italians, aren't likely to show up on this side of the bracket; because unless you're an Argentine, it's pretty much agreed that Brazil winning the World Cup is not a bad thing; because even though the pressure to win on home soil is immense, and even though I look at this lineup and wonder where the true Brazilian flair is, and am skeptical of the XXIII that have been selected, I have a hard time seeing them lose.

Do not take this to the bank under any circumstance – but if I'm right and you didn't take it to the bank, then I'm going to laugh at you.

Lose Tunes Track 07

Cover for the new novel, which will be out soon

The LOSE has been busy as hell here in May, working on the novel and then turning it over to my crack editing staff. Semie, Caitlin and Jesse will no doubt make me sound like I know what I am doing. Thanks to them all in advance.

More LOSE coming soon, once I get this novel done and out the door. Novels really do take on lives all their own, and come to dominate your own when you write them. And it's hard to let go of them after working on them for so long (in this case, since last July). But soon the novel and I will have to see other people – the novel will get to meet some new readers and I will reintroduce myself to the Official Fiancée of IN PLAY LOSE, who has been supportive and interminably patient throughout.

I thought we could use some music. Tonight's Lose Tunes is brought to you by Wild Turkey 101, which Shirley was kind enough to bring to the party tonight. (The LOSE is turning 40-mumble-mumble tomorrow, which is both alarming and kind of awesome.) We have tonight one of my favourite bands in the world, a 7-piece from New Zealand called Fat Freddy's Drop that plays some of the funkiest, snappiest, most awesome music in the world – part funk, part ska, part reggae, part DJ. I toot their horn whenever I get the chance, and this song – the title track from their most recent record – is a song that I just love to listen to when I'm working. I listened to a good amount of FFD while working on this novel, in fact. To go along with the purple bird on the book cover, here is a blackbird.

Quick Misses

Today’s Quick Misses installment pays tribute to Sean Barber, an International League umpire getting a chance to take a turn in the majors this first week of the season. The Lose knows that umpiring is a thankless task and that the men in blue generally do a excellent job. The Lose appreciates that MLB gives up-and-coming talent behind the plate a chance to work in the bigs and get a feel for it just as the players get. And the Lose also knows that umpires can have an off night. Sean Barber, however, had maybe the worst night I’ve seen behind the plate since Game 5 of the 1997 NLCS, when Eric Gregg had a strike zone wider than the state of Delaware. In the A’s 3-2 win over Seattle in 12 innings in Oakland on Thursday night, there were 363 pitches thrown, 136 of which were either balls in play or swinging strikes. Of the remaining 227 pitches thrown, Pitch F/X data reveals that Barber missed the call on anywhere from 32-50 of them (depending on which method you use to count them – yes, there are more than one). For a top calibre umpire at the game’s highest level, missing 14-22% of the calls is ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE. And given that the home teams get the lion’s share of the breaks from the officials, it’s no surprise which team wasn’t particularly happy about how this went:

The Mariners had reason to gripe, since one particularly bad call in the bottom of the 5th let the A’s off the hook, after which a 2-out rally ensued and a run scored:

Everyone in the building knew that was Strike 3. The pitcher, the catcher, the hitter, the fans in the expensive seats. The poor guy was just lost back there in his MLB debut behind the plate. We’ve all had bad days on the job, of course, and most of us aren’t judged moment to moment in our workplaces by many thousands of people (or many hundreds, in the case of Oakland), but this was inexcusably bad. Many other sports have become considerably more difficult to officiate over time, as the players have gotten so much bigger and faster and the officials naturally struggle to keep up. But baseball hasn’t changed that much over the centuries. The fundamental mechanics of the game are still very much the same and still move at similar speeds as they did 100 years ago. MLB is trying to implement a replay system this year, which I am in favour of in principle although the system they ginned up is somewhat murky (more on that in a moment), but I’ve always felt the game would be best served if the umpires just CALLED A DAMN STRIKE A STRIKE. I hope for Sean Barber’s sake here that he learns from his mistakes and improves, because if this is the best and the brightest of the up and coming umpires, baseball’s in big trouble. His performance definitely deserves highlighting here as we chronicle What Was Weak This Weak in Quick Misses.

To the Buzzard Points!

• It took all of two days for one of what will likely be many worst-case scenarios turned up in the MLB replay experiment. The Giants thought they had picked off an Arizona Diamondbacks runner at 1st base on Tuesday night, the umpire ruled otherwise and Giants manager Bruce Bochy challenged the play. Replays proved inconclusive – it was one of those plays which was so close that that, had the original call gone the other way and Snakes manager Kirk Gibson been doing the challenging, it still would have been difficult to overturn. You could argue it either way and not be wrong. Only a handful of pitches later, however, there was a close play at the plate but the Snakes runner was clearly out and the home plate umpire blew the call – but since the Giants had used their challenge and lost it on the pick-off play at first, they couldn’t challenge the play. This is not how the system is supposed to work. The goal is to get the calls correct. But the system constructed in the offseason was rigged to suit the needs of a number of special interests – umpires, managers, and the like, all of whom are territorial and touchy and somewhat clannish in their behaviours – and likely will wind up serving no one particularly well. For example, it seems like a no-brainer to me that a scoring play and/or a play at the plate should be subjected to the same sort of overarching review as a home run – runs count the same no matter how they are scored, after all, and scoring plays are the most important plays in the game. The system is in flux and there is bound to be a slice of Swiss cheese’s worth of holes discovered in it as the season progresses, but I do think it will improve here over time. A large part of MLB’s movement into the high-tech world involves hand-holding the umpires, who don’t like their authority being so scrutinized. C’mon blue, it’s not personal. The more resources at your disposal to get the calls right, the more you will get right and the less scrutiny you’ll ultimately be subjected to.

• The Oakland A’s had a rainout Tuesday for the first time in something like 16 years. We should be in the dry season here in California, but the weather is all over the place this year. Last night, however, they had a dumbout. For some inexplicable reason, the grounds crew at the O.co Mausoleum Coliseum didn’t tarp the field after Thursday night’s game, and then it promptly rained overnight, and all morning, and into the afternoon, turning the field into something of a bog. This rain was listed in the Bay Area weather forecast as being a good possibility, mind you, but the folks in Oakland apparently weren’t paying attention. Fans were not amused, of course, and players from both sides were furious. This is hugely embarrassing for the A’s, of course, but everything about that venue is embarrassing. Now that the 49ers have moved down the peninsula and Candlestick will soon be mothballed, the O.co Coliseum is, without question, the worst facility in all of professional sports. (We will all get to have the misery that is the ’Stick inflicted upon one last time when the U.S. soccer team plays Azerbaijan there in May, and I have warned my friends that it will be a uniquely awful San Francisco experience.) The tug-of-war over a move of the A’s to San Jose carries on, as MLB moves at glacial speed on the issue. MLB is a multi-bazillion dollar business, and there is no excuse to let one of their franchises continue to wither in a dreadful facility where shit like this happens. (Literally shit like this. Blech.) Make a damn ruling already and move on. It seems clear to me that the Giants, the city of Oakland, and MLB don’t want that San Jose move to happen and are going to do whatever it takes to prevent it. Just say it already and stop stalling.

• The A’s, of course, have managed to parlay their woes into a certain amount of hipster indie cred, thanks to Moneyball and such, but I find that act has worn pretty thin by now. While I find it impressive that they do more with less when it comes to talent and resources, the fact is that they have ultimately accomplished not much of anything. They came a lot closer to winning an Oscar for Best Picture than they have come to winning a World Series. Take their same systematic and statistical approach and add in an actual budget, and you have the 3-time World Series winning Boston Red Sox. It is still a big money game. Quite frankly, I think the A’s success of the past few years has come in spite of their own ownership, which was hell-bent on stripping the payroll down and making them look like the ultimate charity case so as to force MLB to act on their San Jose plans. I do not find that quaint nor charming in the slightest, although I commend the players for playing through it and excelling.

• I am happy baseball is back. So much lose! 2,430 losses per season, minus a few games which will be rained out in places like Minnesota and at Wrigley Field which will not be made up. The Lose is inclined to think that the Washington Nationals will have a big season. The Nationals were sentenced by the baseball gods to 1 year of bad Karma after their idiotic decision in 2012 to shut down Stephen Strasburg late in the season with a team that was the best in baseball and clearly the favourite to win the World Series, but I would like to think the franchise has now learned from that enormous mistake. I have no idea who will win in the AL, so I will throw my support behind the Indians, since I think they are going to be pretty good and Cleveland can always use some love.

• I am pleased with the fast starts by my favourite sides – as of this writing, the Giants are 4-1, the Mariners 3-1 – but some caution must be exercised because the early opposition was substandard, at best. The Giants beat up on Arizona, who are 1-6 now, decimated with pitching injuries, and have the look of being truly awful. The Mariners mauled the California Los Angeles Angels of Calabasas Anaheim, who simply can’t pitch or catch the ball, and haven’t pitched or caught the ball in about three years. I do suspect the Giants and West Coast Evil will have a nice battle in the NL West this year, and my hope is that the Mariners at least stop embarrassing themselves. Modest goals.

• And, of course, a new baseball season means the clownshoes that are the Houston Astros are at it again. Never change, Astros. You are the gift that keeps on giving.

• A part of why I made a point to write about the Philadelphia 26ers when I did is because I really didn’t think the streak would reach 27, simply because the 26ers were playing Detroit in that 27th game, and the Pistons are involved in an even more contemptible sort of tanking here at the end of the season: that in which you tank to protect a draft pick. Detroit dumbly traded away their first round pick in the 2014 draft. The Pistons gave up their pick along with Ben Gordon to Charlotte in exchange for Corey Magette’s expiring contract back in 2012, but the pick is protected. The NBA allows teams to include provisions in trades where they don’t have to surrender a pick if it is high enough in the draft – in this case, if the pick lands in the Top 8. And once it became apparent that the Pistons season was a lost cause, they started going about doing everything they can to preserve that pick, losing 18 out of their last 23, because what incentive do they have otherwise? The Warriors did this exact same thing three years ago, going so far as to start five rookies in the hopes they would lose out and hold onto a pick they’d stupidly given up in a bad trade. Clearly, the solution to all your problems is to just be deliberately terrible rather than own up to your own mistakes. The NBA has implemented a number of these sorts of mechanisms over the years so as to somewhat insulate clubs from their own incompetence (the Amnesty Clause being another one), which is a notion I find problematic. It’s tough to see such a franchise like the Detroit Pistons completely disintegrate, as it was really a model franchise in its professionalism and the way it conducted itself – a fact which masqued some of the deficiencies when it comes to talent evaluation in the front office, where GM Joe Dumars has been hit-and-miss over the years. (Taking Darko Milicic over Carmelo Anthony? Really?) Dumars is almost certainly done in Detroit, as they will finish cleaning house and start all over again.

• I have no real interest in the Final Four, which takes place 3 hours from now. None of the teams appeal to me very much, though I should mention that the Kentucky-Wichita State game two weeks ago was a great game and far more worthy of being an NCAA final than what we are likely to see. (Which should also tell you who I am inclined to think will win out here over the weekend.) I do have to say that I possess a curious opinion about Kentucky coach John Calipari, a Cheshire Cat who managed to slip away from two programs – Massachusetts and Memphis – just before they were hammered by the NCAA. Both were forced to vacate trips to the Final Four, which occurred on Calipari’s watch, yet he somehow emerged unscathed. Now, it could argued that the NCAA and its rules are dumb. I will gladly make that argument. But the rules are the rules, whether you like them or not. College basketball coaches are sort of like congress, in that you know the institution is corrupt and contemptible yet think your local guy is swell. The fact is that a great number of college basketball coaches – not all, mind you – care pretty much only about themselves and could not give a shit about the supposed mission of the universities that they work for. It does not matter at all whether or not the kids actually, you know, go to class or anything – and now that the NBA has instituted the rules mandating kids go to college for a year, there is less incentive than ever for the likes of Calipari to care, since the NBA has essentially stated what we all should have stated years ago, which is that the whole notion of the collegiate student-athlete in this country is basically a joke. Calipari has simply gone about recruiting every one-and-done player he can find to come and spend a year at Kentucky and then get out of here and play in the pros. He no longer has to even make a pretense of caring about the rules, since the team turns over every year. As such, he has gone from seeming dishonest to being about the most honest guy in the whole profession, which is quite a turnaround.

• The Lose could not help but giggle at news of this hire.

• College sports in America is about to start getting more honest, I suspect. Earlier this week, an arbiter from the National Labor Relations Board in Chicago upheld the right of Northwestern University football players to unionize. It is a very, very narrow ruling and one which is going to be subject to a zillion appeals from the school and the NCAA, but the arbiter stated, in a nutshell, that the football team at Northwestern were not ‘student athletes’ so much as unpaid workers. As such, the players should be entitled to form a union and engage in various collective bargaining acts with the school – not just over possibly being paid, but also lengths of work weeks and insurance and all of that other stuff. This is only one isolated case of many pending against the NCAA, a sham of an organization which is eventually going to get its just desserts, but this one is potentially quite a game changer – although maybe not in the way some experts are thinking of. For example, this ruling applies only to a private institution in suburban Chicago, but not to a state institution like the University of Illinois in Champaign. OK, so, what happens if Northwestern players unionize and have to hammer out a deal with the school? Well, it may be a little bit awkward at first, but if the school and the players reach some sort of an agreement, the players at Northwestern will be much better off, overall, than they would be at another school – which, of course, a savvy coach would then use as a pretty good recruiting tool. It has been suggested many that universities fully embraced integration in the 1960s only when some powerhouses came to realize they were no longer going to be able to compete on the playing field unless they started recruiting black players. Texas Western (which is now UTEP) and Sam “Bam” Cunningham affected the most change, in the end, simply by playing the games better than all-white opponents could do. It may not have been the right reason for integration, and may have been entirely self-serving, but the right result was nevertheless achieved. It seems to me that if the big private institutions in the NCAA – Notre Dame, Duke, Northwestern, Stanford, USC and such – were forced to comply with orders to collectively bargain with their student athletes, those programs would eventually become extremely appealing to prospective athletes – even more than they already are – and other institutions could possibly be forced to offer the same sorts of benefits simply out of the need to compete. I could be wrong on this, but it is an intriguing notion to ponder. I have been waiting for years for someone to find the right needle which will pop the bloated balloon that is the NCAA. It is nothing if not an opportunistic entity however, and I am curious to see how it will go about attempting to change its spots, especially since I am of the opinion that, when the O’Bannon v. NCAA case finally sees the light of day, the NCAA is going to lose and lose big. I am not a lawyer, of course, nor do I play one on TV. The players at Northwestern are apparently going to have a secret ballot vote on April 25, and their coach, Pat Fitzgerald, has come out against this move for reasons which sound decidedly self-serving and lame. My hope is that they vote to do so and push the envelope.

• God, my soccer team sucks. At least the players had the class to make this gesture to the Yellow Army faithful after last weekend’s 0:3 shit show in Swansea. It is not looking good for The Good Guys. If they avoid relegation, it will be a damn miracle. On the Ball City! Oh, fuck it, just win a damn game already.