What a boring boring song ... what a boring boring song ...

Part of what makes the notion of nemesis so compelling is that it so illogical. It simply makes no sense after awhile. Most notions of nemesis start out with the nemesis being a superior opponent, but over time that morphs into a psychological hang-up. Often times in sport, the nemesis IS NOT necessarily the better player/team on paper, but they have developed and thus possess a mental edge. They believe they are inherently superior – and the other side believes they are inferior, if not outwardly then as reflected by their play.

Which brings me to the game this past Saturday at the L.A. Coliseum as The Good Guys, fresh off a rather typically annoying and frustrating loss at Auburn the week before, had to face off against their ultimate nemesis on the gridiron. And to give you the full effect, you shall be required to click the following link after every paragraph of this entry and listen to the song in its entirety before continuing reading:

 
That is the single most annoying song in the history of sports, which is performed by the world's most overrated marching band every single time that the Trojans of U.S.C. make a positive play on the football field. And I do mean every single time. First downs, sacks, you name it.

That song's just insufferable, isn't it? Well, the perpetual firing up of Tribute to Troy is done, in part, to annoy the living hell out of their opponents. And when the U.S.C. band travels with the team to away games, they do the exact same thing. They held an alumni pep rally at Union Square in San Francisco the night prior to a game against either Stanford or Cal, I cannot remember which. At the time, I happened to be eating on the open-air terrace atop the Macy's, which is located on the square. The band played that fucking song 5-6 times and I wanted to throw stuff at them. I was not alone.

Their Pac-10 opponents (all of whom absolutely DETEST the Trojans and refer to the school as the University of Spoiled Children) have come up with ways to try and fend off this scourge – Cal fans have been known to sing "What a boring boring song ... what a boring boring song ..." while I think it may have been one of the Arizona schools' band which played the song either off-key or backwards everytime the Trojans misstepped on the field. But part of the problem is the Trojans have rarely misstepped. They have a pedigree to match few in the game, with Rose Bowls and National Championships and Heisman Trophy winners galore. They are the single-most glamourous team in the country, with Hollywood stars turning up on the sidelines and a lineup usually stacking with future NFL talent. And there is no team they've tormented more than the Cougars over the years.

Prior to Saturday's game, the Cougars sported an 8-57-4 all-time record against the Trojans. They hadn't beaten the Trojans since 2002, and during that time the average U.S.C. margin of victory was 33 points. This included the single-most embarrassing moment in the history of Cougar football – a 69:0 win by U.S.C. in 2008. In Pullman, no less. Believe it or not, that game was actually merciful – U.S.C. ran out the clock at the end of the first half up 41-0 and with the ball on the W.S.U. 10 yard line, and then scored 28 points in the second half while handing off to the 4th string RB and running basically two plays the entire time. The Cougars never even crossed midfield.

Another season, the fired up Cougars decided to try an onside kick to start the game against the #1 ranked Trojans. They kicked off from their own 35, needing the ball to travel 10 yards to try and recover the kick, but the kicker got overexcited and shanked the kick sideways and out of bounds – at their own 34. Yes, the kick traveled -1 yard. USC promptly thanked them for the field position by scoring in three plays. It was a long day.

Aha but there is dissension in the ranks of Troy! Last season, their talent-laden squad bombed out and finished only with a 7-6 record (they missed W.S.U. on the schedule, obviously). They were marred by internal bickering which turned into a general sense of disinterest as the season progressed. The Trojans didn't seem to care, which was a stinging indictment of the regime of U.S.C. head coach Lane Kiffin, who has entered this season on something of a hot seat.

Meanwhile, The Good Guys are still in rebuild mode here, but the loss to Auburn showed some progress. There is more talent and some tenacity, particularly on defense. A large part of overcoming the nemeses, ultimately, comes down to believing that you can actually do so. Even with their improvement, USC's uncertain QB play, and the Trojans' hangover from last season seeming to have carried over, the oddsmakers set the line for this game at USC -15½, and I doubt even the faithful members of the Zzu Crew were willing to take that bet.

 
We're a realistic lot, we Zzu Crewers. We want to see some progress. Losing all of the time means not taking yourselves all that seriously. It also means that, when you do fell the giant, it feels even better. The wins feel almost like they should count as two ...

USC displaying less-than-stellar QB play

What, no Tribute to Troy? What's with the silence? Indeed, there was little for the Trojan faithful to crow about on Saturday night, as U.S.C. mustered only 14 first downs and 193 total yards, never completed a pass for more than 7 yards, and had an interception returned 70 yards by W.S.U. for a TD. It was a rarity in contemporary football, a game where both defenses dictated the game. It was tied 7:7 late, but some nimble footwork by a Cougar receiver and some bad Trojan tackling turned a short pass into a 50-yard gain late, which set up a FG attempt:

The kick is good!

The final score is Washington State 10:7 Southern Cal and, instead of chanting along to Tribute to Troy, the fans were chanting "Fi-re Kif-fin!" as the Cougars were taking a knee to run out the clock. And while the LOSE believes that it's important to be gracious winners, an exception is made when it comes to beating U.S.C. And by shutting up that band for the better part of the evening, the Good Guys have not only won a football game, but done a yeoman's act of community service in reducing the level of noise pollution. And it's important to enjoy the moment. With an all-time record now at 9-57-4, the moment doesn't come that often.

And just in case you were missing the song after a few minutes of silence, honorary Coug for the Day Andy up in Ontario found this link. Consider yourself warned. We are not responsible. Sincerely, the management.