A FIFTH of the way into the NBA season seems like a good time to revisit the In Play Lose Losability rankings. Remember, the point of Losability rankings is what is interesting to me at the moment, not necessarily whether or not anyone is good or bad. You’ll notice the bad teams moving up in the rankings, of course, as the inevitable post-New Year tankathon shall soon commence and some of these bad teams will suddenly get really bad. But I’ve got some NBA story lines brewing and percolating in my head at the moment, and so I’m keeping a close eye on a few different things. So here’s what’s interesting me about the NBA at the moment:
30. Charlotte (-2): because you are doing just fine, Buzz City, so carry on.
29. San Antonio (-9): because nothing to see here, just move along (and, oh yeah, Pop is god and you should not forget it.)
28. Utah (-6): because I am reserving all judgment about this team until they finally get healthy.
27. Cleveland (-17): because a supersoft opening schedule with a heavy amount of home cooking hasn’t given them a whole lot of challenges yet, which means they can go out and show off and have some fun here at the start of the season – which is something that they’ve certainly earned the right to do.
26. Brooklyn (-13): because the Nets are just bad. They’ve been a fun bad so far, but still bad.
25. Detroit (0): because this offense is a cure for insomnia; because SVG would fit in well with any sort of political commentary that I do after his post-election rant in Phoenix.
24. Toronto (+2): because I should write a post about how I think instant replay in sports, as presently constructed, is nonsense, and use this ridiculous Raps game in Sacramento as one of many examples; because this team desperately needs a stretch four, but may not have the guts to pull the trigger on a deal; because I love DeRozen and his old school game; because otherwise, all is well in the North so carry on.
23. Atlanta (-8): because in spite of a couple of klunkers here recently, this team has been pretty good; because it’s amazing what happens when you have a coach who understands, first and foremost, that you have to adjust the scheme to the personnel like Mike Budenholzer has done with Dwight Howard, who has suddenly looked quite useful in the center of the Atlanta defense.
22. Memphis (-4): because this team is actually pretty good when everyone is healthy; because how long will the run of good health last?
21. Dallas (+2): because the Mavericks are having that sort of lost season which can happen to a mid-level veteran team where the injuries pile up and nothing goes right and everyone suddenly looks old and slow; because after 16 straight winning seasons, this is one team which has certainly earned a mulligan and a disastrous season like this one won’t count against anyone; because holy shit, Harrison Barnes has actually been good; because Andrew Bogut has been mediocre, just as he was in Golden State, but everyone around here talks about how much they miss Bogut’s rim protection, which is weird to me, as it would appear Bogut is the type of player who is really good in everyone’s minds when he isn’t actually playing.
20. Miami (-6): because this team is the most prime candidate for a full-on tank job and a rebuild; because until that happens, they are simply unwatchable.
19. Milwaukee (+8): because Greek Freak and Jabari Parker and Co. have a few really good moments and a few really bad quarters of an hour; because you can see the potential there, especially with Greek Freak at the point, but there’s just not enough focus nor consistency, and they still can’t shoot; because they’re probably not good enough to make the playoffs, but not bad enough to get a good pick in the draft, and that’s not really an ideal place to be.
18. L.A. Lakers (-6): because as expected, this team is bringing back the fun and Luke Walton is doing a great job with his young players; because at some point, teams will start to figure them out and all of that youthful enthusiasm stops working, and you have to actually act like you know what you’re doing out there on the court; because this team will probably keep getting super amped up for big games against big teams, but it’s all of the games against the league’s middle class – playoff level teams who don’t take the night off – that will be ugly.
17. Denver (+12): because this is a weird team; because you’d think that, if you’re going to turn over the keys to one guy and expect him to run the show, you’d do it with someone unlike Emmanuel Mudiay – i.e., someone who actually knows how to play NBA basketball.
16. Orlando (+8): because this is one of the ugliest offensive teams I’ve seen in the NBA in a long time; because their offseason moves would indicate they had aspirations of being a playoff team; because that’s about the only thing their offseason moves indicate, since the roster is so misfitting that I have no idea what they honestly thought they would accomplish.
15. Indiana (+6): because this is one of the many Prometheus Bound NBA franchises at the moment, a nightly act of Greek Tragedy in which the hero is chained to a bad roster and forced to move boulders all by himself in order to be successful – in this case Paul George, who has to do everything on both ends on the floor; because George’s burden is especially large on the defensive end, given that the rest of the Pacers can’t guard the floor they are standing on.
14. Houston (-6): because this is Prometheus Bound, Act II, with James Harden putting up some ridiculous numbers far and beyond anything else his teammates are doing; because unlike the others franchises of this type, the Rockets are actually halfway decent; because the offense hasn’t been as good as I hoped, and the defense hasn’t been as bad as I hoped, which means they’re sort of meh at the moment.
13. Philadelphia (-8): because I love me some Sixers, of course, and I have felt their pain, and the Sixers have been frisky and feisty here of late and I always appreciate them playing hard; because I enjoy watching Embiid and think he is a special talent, but I still don’t think I’ve ever seen him throw a pass; because the offense is still a claustrophobic mess and, even with the unforeseen quasi-revival of Sauce Castillo’s career, this team still needs to improve its guard play; because now that they’re not tanking and simply bad, they’re not nearly as interesting.
12. L.A. Clippers (-5): because they’ve been impressive at both ends of the floor so far this season and have been refreshingly drama free; because there is something to be said for continuity in an ADD league where the tendency is to gravitate towards fads and shiny objects; because having said that, they still need a three, and Mbah a Moute making a bunch of unmissable shots because he’s so wide open doesn’t change that; because I’ll be curious to see how they handle this first game coming up against the Dubs next week, since the Dubs have had their number and that was even before KD arrives, whom the Clips don’t really have an answer for. Speaking of which …
11. Golden State (-10): because welcome to the fish bowl, where every single thing that ever even slightly goes wrong gets magnified and blown out of proportion; because this is what’s bound to happen when you sign KD; because jesus, KD is even better than I thought, which is saying something, because I already thought he was one of the 5 players in the league; because nothing else matters between now and April, anyway, so just sit back and enjoy some beautiful basketball.
10. Chicago (-6): because maybe this team is better than we thought they would be; because I suppose it makes sense they would get off to a good start, given that we’ve got here some seasoned vets and old pros and title winners on this team who do, in fact, know what they’re doing; because I’m still somewhat skeptical, seeing as how D-Wade is suddenly nailing threes off the dribble; because I’m not at all skeptical about Jimmy Butler.
9. Phoenix (+2): because I have no idea what this team is trying to do; because while it may make sense to draft a raw talent like Dragan Bender and bring him along slowly, or draft a raw talent like Marquese Chriss and bring him along slowly, it doesn’t make sense to have two of those guys on your roster at the same time and playing the same position; because the guard rotation doesn’t make much sense, either; because this team would be smart to move Bledsoe and Knight at the deadline, build around Booker and TJ Warren and give up on this season completely, but the words “smart” and “Suns” are rarely uttered in the same sentence.
8. New York (-2): because in a shocking development, the Knicks have more or less junked the Zen Master’s triangle offense and started running more stuff through Porzingis and, lo and behold, they actually look like a competent basketball team; because that terrible contract they gave to Joachim Noah looks worse every time he steps on the floor; because so long as you have Phil Jackson around to pop off and say something stupid, there is always high potential for needless drama.
7. Boston (+2): because I wouldn’t read much of anything into their so-so start to the season, given the injury problems at the outset; because at 9-7 as of this writing, they’re in pretty good shape and should get better; because this is still the most interesting team in the league by far in terms of their possibility to make a move and add players, and how likely they are to make a big move may depend as much as what they see taking place in Brooklyn as anything they’re doing, since every Nets win makes that #1 pick the Celtics hold in the 2017 draft potentially less valuable, and so it is something of a tricky balancing act trying to figure out if/when to buy/sell.
6. Washington (+24): because this is our big mover in these rankings, all the way up from 30th, which is where I had them because I figured they’d be a boring .500 team that went nowhere; because instead they are a mess, and their two best players don’t like each other, one of whom – John Wall – feels he’s underpaid now and the other of whom – Bradley Beal – got a max contract despite being made of glass; because oh yeah, the bench sucks; because the Buzzards sunk $35 million into Scotty Brooks as a coach, when it seemed to me that the entirety of Brooks’ success in OKC was predicated on having KD and Russ and James Harden on his team.
5. Portland (+14): because I hated their offseason moves, and this is one of the perils of the NBA, whereby having money to spend one season translates into sunk costs the next, and it’s impossible to look at Evan Turner and Alan Crabbe and Festus Ezeli as anything other than sunk costs at this point; because the defense sucks, which makes for wildly entertaining games but doesn’t translate into wins; because regressing to the mean is a bitch, and because another peril of the NBA is overachieving, as the expectations rise further upward than you may be able to deliver.
4. Minnesota (+12): because I hate the way this team is being coached, as you’ve already got Thibs overplaying his starters and refusing to go small and saddling his lineup with a point guard in Rubio who can’t shoot and a four-man in Dieng who just seems to get in everyone else’s way; because Thibs is also the president of the club, and I don’t think anyone should have both of those jobs; because all of those moments of individual brilliance don’t add up to anything remotely resembling a cohesive unit.
3. Oklahoma City (0): because Prometheus Bound, Act III; because for all of his hellfire and fury, Russell Westbrook alone cannot possibly win enough games through reckless abandon and sheer determination; because it’s amusing to watch him try, since what else is he going to do?; because can anyone on this team make a shot?; because with so few shooting options on this team, defenses are just packed in, which means that Adams and Kanter, OKC’s two excellent bigs, have no room to operate on the glass and turn the ball over too much when they do actually get the ball; because are we sure that Billy Donovan can actually coach an NBA team?
2. Sacramento (0): because Prometheus Bound, Act IV; because the NBA’s most delusional franchise will likely not do what they should, which is to trade Boogie Cousins before the deadline, because they still think a) he’ll re-sign with them, and b) they can still make the playoffs; because Rudy Gay has looked decent so far this season in a “hey, he’s a decent player and maybe we should trade for him” sort of way; because how bad did the in-fighting within the Memphis organization have to be in order to make Dave Joerger think that taking the Kings coaching job was an upgrade?
1. New Orleans (+16): because Prometheus Bound, Act V; because the idea that Anthony Davis is going to spend the prime of his career with this abject and utterly hopeless franchise is depressing.
