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| We may not play very well, but we’ll look good, damn it. |
7:00 A.M. and I’m up early for the telecast of the season opener and Carrow Road looks grand when bathing in bright sunshine and wait what is Neil doing with this lineup, no Redmond and no Jerome in the first XI and this strikes me a EPL rookie manager mistake in trying to win with tactics instead of talent but this is OK, good pace and controlling the play, pressing high and looking dangerous and JESUS CHRIST GRABBAN HOW IN FUCK DID YOU MISS THAT? cross to the center of the box he has an open goal and skids it off the outside of the post for fuck sake and for fuck sake how is that not a red or at least a yellow? Palace guy gets neither from Simon Hooper the EPL rookie referee who I think I remember from Norwich games in the championship last season and who I think I remember being awful although he’s right to book Tetley although the three full rolls from the Palace winger on the dive score him no style points and the Canaries players are right to crowd around him “get the fuck up you fucking sissy” was that in the mike? but it’s OK they are controlling the possession but not enough numbers forward and Palace have some dangerous wingers they are kinda good I think I picked them 6th in the EPL pool for a reason and DAMN IT a goal against the run of play, down 0-1 and a little spooked into the second half and DAMN IT MARK SOMEBODY cheeky set piece from Palace on a corner catches Canaries asnooze jeez an NOW you decide to bring on Redmond and Jerome when you’re down 0-2? about fucking time well this game sucks REDMOND SHOT FROM DISTANCE GOAL and, hmm, that was really poor defense from Palace there and JEROME GOAL ON A BICYCLE KICK!!! FUCK YEAH!!! but wait what is that blind as bats Simon Hooper doing? disallowed goal for dangerous play? are you fucking kidding me? that wasn’t dangerous play it was a guess by an official not having a great day well this game sucks and it’s a good thing our keeper is a stud because that’s some pretty naïve defending going on there from the good guys in the yellow and the green stoppage time one last gasp HOW THE FUCK IS THAT NOT A PENALTY? that was a good old fashioned two-hand shove in the back it was so bloody obvious that anyone would’ve called it if they weren’t blind as bats well done Simon Hooper you’ll undoubtedly grade out by the FA as the worst official in the EPL this week good luck in your next assignment in Rotherham or Leeds or some shit town or, even worse, Ipswich, well it’s just one game and oh, look, Palace just waltzed in for an oh-by-the-way goal in the 95th minute which is the sort of thing that comes back to bite you in the ass when it comes down to goal difference at the end of the season so that’s Norwich City 1:3 Crystal Palace and there’s the whistle and it’s only one game and Palace is pretty good but still it’s a disappointing result with enough truly hideous and bad calls by the referee to almost mask a few glaring weaknesses but not quite so it’s welcome back to the EPL and this is looking like it might be a challenging season for The Good Guys and that game sucked I cannot believe I woke up early for this fuck this I am going back to bed …
